Yesterday (2009) – Horror Film Review

Yesterday (2009)Rob Grant’s 2009 zombie film YESTERDAY was filmed three years ago in the summer of 2006. Grant and three of his college graduate friends managed to cobble together the $12,000 Canadian budget – a tiny amount in the movie world. Shooting on 16mm with an inexperienced crew for 31 days, the team worked tirelessly after school to edit and finish the film. The result could easily have been a total waste of time, but with great screenwriting and plenty of enthusiastic actors YESTERDAY is actually not bad.
Yesterday centres around six strangers, each of whom has his or her own back story – which soon reach a dead-end when, after chance meetings during a zombie outbreak, they flee into the wilderness together in a bid for survival. As it turns out, they are as much under threat from each other as they are from the zombies.
There’s nothing particularly new here, as far as the story goes. What Yesterday lacks in originality, however, it makes up for with a very fun script and some surprisingly good actors, who create an eclectic mix of characters: Office workers Graham (Jesse Wheeler) and Dave (Mike Fenske), shooting expert Mike (Mike Kovac), lovebird Chris (Graham Wardle), and bad guys Rob (Justin Sproule) and Lewis (Scott Wallis).
Whilst Wheeler and Fenske work really well together as Graham and Dave, giving us a few good laughs, the character that shines the most is Rob; this nasty and yet amusing lunatic is very well played by Sproule, who he kept me very entertained.
Yesterday’s zombies are nothing special, though their eyes do leak bloody tears. There are more make-up effects on some of them, but generally they aren’t very scary. Like George A Romero’s zombies, most of these walking corpses stumble around slowly. Unfortunately Grant chooses to have the odd few who can run, and I would have preferred it if they didn’t; with the lack of fantastic make-up effects, the ones that can move normally end up looking too ordinary. There’s something more ghoulish about these brainless creatures walking around – working solely on instinct, bumbling along en mass – that makes Romero’s zombies more sinister than their faster moving modern counterparts.
Not as scary as some zombie films, Yesterday has some good gore and tension, but it certainly won’t give you nightmares. It’s as funny as it is frightening. The direction is good, though some of the scenes are shot at too close range, and there’s quite a bit of static camera work. Given the budget and time constraints, Grant did quite well.
Whilst Yesterday isn’t exceptional, it is pretty entertaining. Grant tells me he could be on the brink of landing a distribution deal, and I hope he’s right, because his film deserves more than the few festival screenings it’s had so far.

London After Midnight: Mayhem Festival Line-up Confirmed

Black Rainbow (1989)As the Mayhem Horror Festival draws ever closer, the line-up of brilliant movies is now locked in place. Unfortunately due to conflicting schedules, they’ve had to drop I SELL THE DEAD. Not that this should impact them too much, as there is still plenty for the discerning horror fan to get his/her fangs into.
In addition to the film line-up, one of the extras we can look forward to is “Thrill Laboratory” with an experiment in fear and the audience’s reaction to it. Audience members wishing to take part can see details on their website, sounds like fun! Also, director Mike Hodges will appear on November 1 to introduce his 1989 cult horror film BLACK RAINBOW, starring Rosanna Arquette and Jason Robards.
The full programme complete with timings can now be found on their website at www.mayhemhorrorfest.co.uk
Tickets will go on sale this Thursday and here are the prices:

  • £50 for a weekend pass gets you into everything.
  • £13.50 for a Friday 30th Pass
  • £18.00 for a Saturday 31st Pass
  • £18.00 for a Sunday 1st Nov pass

Tickets will be available at the box office or book on line at www.broadway.org.uk
If you fancy free admission you can always try their competition:
“Compete to meld a horror film to a non-genre film and create a hideous mutant that rampages across the land destroying everyone in its path. Take two films and slam them together using computer based magical pixie dust and send them in to us – the best example of a MONSTER MASH-UP wins a free weekend pass to Mayhem and all the goodness that this entails.”

Dee Snider's Strangeland (1998) Film Review

strangeland 1998Dee Snider’s STRANGELAND 2: DISCIPLE is scheduled for production later this year, some eleven years after the first STRANGELAND was released on DVD. Dee Snider has been fighting the courts to claim back his creative rights over the movie, after the original production company Shooting Gallery had all of its material seized by the government. Finally, this year, he won and is promising us a sequel much more shocking and terrifying than the first, but is it really a case of better late than never? I revisited the original to review it, knowing that the release of the sequel would spark a new interest.
Firstly, I have a confession to make, and I may as well just come out with it: I’m the world’s biggest Dee Snider fan. I love the guy. My admiration for him is borderline obsession. So could this film possibly live up to my expectations of it? Well, to be fair, no. That’s not to say it’s all bad, however.
Carleton Henricks [played by Snider] is a glorious and menacing villain, obsessed with tattoos and body modification. He looks intense to say the least, with his flaming red Mohawk, pointed teeth and multiple piercings, not to mention a fantastically muscular and heavily tattooed body; he is a very intimidating character. Carleton, using the name Captain Howdy [the same as the demonic presence in The Exorcist] frequents internet chat rooms under the guise of an ordinary teenage boy. He invites the people he meets to ‘party,’ and once he has them, he tortures them. When he lures Detective Gage [played by Kevin Gage]’s daughter into his insane world, he keeps her with his other ‘party guests’ in his candle-lit basement where he sadistically tortures them whilst he gently explains his reasoning. The detective tracks him down, and he is arrested, prosecuted and declared insane. After four years and now a reformed character he is released with a whole new image and subdued demeanour. [I never want to see Dee Snider as a bespectacled cardigan wearer again; this was the most disturbing image in the whole film for me!]. He is hounded by the unforgiving locals who are hell bent on revenge, and when Jackson Roth [A Nightmare on Elm Street’s Robert Englund] gets together with a group of friends, Hendricks is lynched and left for dead.
Of course, it couldn’t end there! Surviving the ordeal, Hendricks reverts to his old sinister self and sets out to terrorise those responsible…….
The best thing about Strangeland is Dee Snider’s character. Sinister, perverse, and yet strangely charming, Captain Howdy is brilliant: he looks amazing; he is well acted and thoroughly believable. Unfortunately, the rest of the cast are not so great. In particular Kevin Gage was terrible; the screenplay went some way to excuse his lack of emotion at his daughter being taken, by explaining that he is ‘a man of steel’, but even with this reasoning, his calmness is more down to poor acting than bad writing. Robert Englund, however, is brilliant opposite Snider as the equally evil, but socially more acceptable rough neck, and it is promised that he will also appear in the sequel.
The screenplay is fair. For a first attempt, Snider did a good job, apart from one line that must be the worst line I’ve ever heard: On discovering his daughter trapped – naked in a cage, her lips sewn shut, and having endured agonising torture at the hands of this mad man – Gage puts his gun to Henricks’ throat and says ‘Give me a reason!’ What? There’s the reason right there swinging naked in that cage, you looney! 
The direction was poor and did nothing to build any kind of atmosphere, so I hope there’ll be a different director for the sequel. The soundtrack was good, including tracks from Megadeth, Pantera, Marilyn Manson, and Anthrax.
Strangeland arrived in theatres before torture porn became a recognized sub-genre (post-SAW and HOSTILE), and it may have been a bit ahead of its time to be properly appreciated. With decent actors and a good director, Strangeland could have been brilliant; instead the film is below average. Captain Howdy was every bit as good as I’d expected, however, and I have high hopes for the sequel, if it is well produced with a talented director and a strong supporting cast.
DEE SNIDER’S STRANGELAND (1998). Directed by John Pieplow. Screenplay by Dee Snider. Cast: Dee Snider, Kevin Gage, Elizabeth Pena, Robert Englund.

London After Midnight: British Horror Festivals, So Good They're Scary!

mayhem-horror-festivalOne of the organisers of  THE MAYHEM HORROR FESTIVAL has very kindly given me a few updates. Firstly, and most importantly for anyone wishing to attend, the website to purchase tickets is www.broadway.org.uk  (not “co.uk” as previously stated), and tickets will be on sale in the very near future. The festival’s official site, where you can find details of their ever increasing line-up of films and special guests can still be found at www.mayhemhorrorfest.co.uk.
There are several preview screenings to be seen here: for example, Hierro, which will not be released until next year. Other freshly announced films include Colin, the low-budget zombie movie that caused a sensation at Cannes Film Festival, and when I say low-budget, I mean low – this was made for only £45! Special guest director Marc Price will be attending. The award-winning and utterly disturbing Grace has also been confirmed, along with Australian psycho thriller Coffin Rock. Also showing are the Grindhouse styled Someone’s Knocking at the Door, I Sell The Dead, The Haunting, and a special midnight screening of the original Hellraiser which will tear your soul apart…..
They will also have their very own Mayhem Vault of Horror, a special screening of the scariest shorts from the nightmare makers of the future.
THE BRAM STOKER INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL in Whitby, now only a few weeks away, is advertising 23 U.K. and 3 World premieres including the world premiere of Orlok 3D which is a re-imagining of the 1922 silent classic Nosferatu, based on the Dracula story. The festival has a huge line-up of films which can be seen on their website at www.bramstokerfilmfestival.com
Tickets will be on sale from this coming Tuesday. £88 buys a four day pass to all screenings and the fantastic opening night party; this is a festival not to be missed.
FRIGHTFEST which starts this Thursday is promising to be better than ever this year! They have over fifteen U.K. premieres and over fifteen World premieres, along with many special guests. Films are now confirmed on their website at www.frightfest.co.uk,  but if you want tickets, hurry, the sands of time are fast running out…….

The Time Traveler's Wife – Film Review

The Time Travelers Wife (2009)Adapted from Audrey Niffenegger’s bestselling novel of 2003, Robert Schwentke’s THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE, asks us to suspend our disbelief, and if we are to enjoy this film at all, that is exactly what we must do. Starring Eric Bana as the agonised-looking Henry, and Rachel McAdams as Clare, THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE demands that we ask no questions, for if we stop for even a brief moment to ponder, we will realise what utter nonsense it is.
The Time Traveler’s Wife begins just moments before the death of Henry’s mother in an auto accident. Henry who is sitting in the back seat, suddenly disappears; he turns up naked at the roadside, where an older Henry has come back in time to tell him not to worry. Right away it is established that Henry can choose where and when he will ‘travel’ to. Why, then, the rest of the film tries to convince us that he has no control over it, is beyond me and I was instantly annoyed that I was being played for a fool.
We never see Henry fighting dinosaurs, or having dinner with Henry the Eighth; instead he keeps going to the same meadow to visit his wife when she was a child. Remember now, this man is naked when he ‘travels’, and on their first meeting his wife is a six year old girl. I found this a little uncomfortable. This six-year old Clare is instantly infatuated with Henry and knows that he is the man of her dreams, and one day when she grows up, he will be hers. It’s a little disturbing, to see this grown man constantly visiting this little girl.
There are obvious benefits to Henry’s ‘condition’, such as being able to escape the law, and the knowledge of this week’s lottery numbers; in some ways, this isn’t a curse at all. For Clare and Henry, however, constantly being separated when they least expect it, it does become a problem. The ‘travelling’ intensifies when Clare keeps miscarrying because her unborn baby ‘travels’ from the womb. Henry, trying to find a solution to this problem, has a vasectomy, but a younger, pre-vasectomy Henry, soon put a spanner in the works!
There are mildly amusing moments; there are touching moments, but most of all this film left me irritated. I know that most time travel films have holes in the plot that leave you sitting and trying to figure out ‘How does that work then?’ and ‘Could that be possible?’ – but some time travel films (for intance, the Back to the Future series) are so ingenious and well orchestrated that you can’t help loving them. In comparison The Time Traveler’s Wife is clumsy and dull; it is clear from the get go that it is total gibberish.
Bana had a permanent look of discomfort on his face, which was not particularly appealing, and neither of the two leads ‘played a blinder’. Their daughter Alba at different ages was played by Tatum and Hailey McCann, who looked so ghoulish they would not have been out of place in The Shining! Ron Livingston played the best part as Clare and Henry’s friend Gomez; he brought a little energy to an otherwise flat and unexciting film.
The Time Traveler’s Wife is an average film, with average acting, and a feeble story. It is an easy way to pass the time, but will certainly not leave a lasting impression.

Eric Bana as the Time Traveler
Eric Bana as the Time Traveler

THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE (2009). Directed by Robert Schwentke. Screenplay by Bruce Joel Rubin. Cast: Eric Bana, Rachel McAdams, Ron Livingston.
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Martyrs (2008) – Horror Film Review

Pascal Laugier’s disturbing, brutal, French horror movie is not always comfortable to watch, but in contrast to the other recent torture-porn films, the torture in MARTYRS has a point.
At the beginning we see young girl Lucie escape from a facility where she has been chained to a chair and brutally tortured. Unable to speak of it, even to her close friend Anna (who takes on the role of both friend and surrogate mother), Lucie is tormented by the image of a girl she couldn’t save. She believes this girl is with her, and means her grave harm. At one point during their childhood, Anna finds Lucie in the bathtub alone, covered in cuts and gashes, cowering in the bloody water and saying “It wasn’t me, it wasn’t me.”
Fifteen years after her escape, Lucie has managed to track down those responsible, and she is determined to have her revenge. With her ghoulish and disfigured imaginary foe never far away, she bursts into an ordinary looking family home with a shotgun. When things gets out of hand, poor Anna gets involved, and the unbelievable decision to help her friend leads down a very frightening path. This is one of the major problems with this film. Anna’s decisions throughout are completely ridiculous. I was utterly bewildered when she rang her mother from the scene of a horrifying blood bath and told her she was fine! Calling the police, would surely have been the better option! 
I don’t want to spoil the plot by saying too much, but suffice it to say that this is not your ordinary torture flick. There’s enough strange and shocking imagery to keep even the most hardened horror fan happy; in fact, the film is nothing but blood and shocks from beginning to end. It’s hard to believe that there can be a valid reason for anyone to treat another human being the way some of the people are treated in this film, but there is a reason and that’s what makes MARTYRS more than just another torture flick….but not necessarily better.
The filmmakers let us know that the word ‘martyr’ is derived from the Greek word ‘witness’ and in MARTYRS the point of the torture is to find a true martyr who can bear witness to the pain, the blindness that follows, and move through it to tell what lies beyond. Whilst this is a very interesting topic and I’ve no doubt there’d be many people curious to know what does lie beyond, I wish the reason had been more believable. It would surely take more than this curiosity to make seemingly ordinary people turn into sadistic torturers, and it is this nonsensical reasoning that weakens the film.
Unlike some shock horrors that have tongue-in-cheek moments, MARTYRS is dark and relentless. It doesn’t ease up, and it is not a pleasure to watch. As Anna is tortured she goes into her own world, and we don’t even have her screams to break the silence.
If you’re just looking for horror movie with shocking imagery and plenty of action that’s a little bit weird, then you will enjoy MARTYRS. Be warned, however: you could spend a bit of time shouting at the screen ‘call the police, for god’s sake, call the police!’
MARTYRS (2008). Written and directed by Pascal Laugier. In French with English subtitles. Cast: Morjana Aloui, Mylene Jampanoi, Catherine Begin, Robrt Toupin, Patricia Ulasne, Juliette Gosselin, Xavier Dolan, Isabelle Chasse, Emilie Miskdijan, Mike Chute.

London After Midnight: Abertoir Festival Update

Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye! I have just had more information about The Abertoir Film Festival. Abertoir which takes place in Aberystwyth, Wales, is a bargain at only £40 for the full 5 days. It takes place in a relatively small, intimate theatre, so tickets are sold on a first come, first served basis…..get yours quick!!
Opening the festival will be a rare screening of The Keep, Michael Mann’s 1983 film adaptation of F. Paul Wilsons’ novel about a Nazi occupation of a European castle that unearths terrifying evil. A very fitting start to the festival proceedings as it was filmed in Wales.
There are confirmed special guest, including director Herchell Gordon Lewis who has been nicknamed ‘The Godfather of Gore’. His legendary 1963 film Blood Feast changed the face of modern horror forever. He will be presenting a special master class, explaining the ins and outs of low-budget movie making. He will also be premiering his brand new movie Grim Fairy Tale.
Hellraiser’s ‘Pinhead’ Doug Bradley will attend for the second year with his presentation ‘The Man in the Mask’, a fun talk about movie make up. Abertoir will also be screening the latest in his Spinechiller series with Edgar Allan Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart, along with Doug’s new movie Umbrage. They promise more special guests to be announced later.
A Night at the Grand-Guignol offers a rare and unique opportunity to experience a recreation of the legendary show in Paris, which earned a reputation as the ‘Theatre of Horror’. They even employed a resident doctor back in the day, to treat the numerous spectators who fainted each night! Designed to titillate and terrify, with a mixture of horror, laughter, and the erotic, Grand-Guignol promises bloody violence, mutilation, and scenes of a sexual nature; in short, leave the kids at home!
There will be a screening of the classic 1922 silent film Nosferatu, accompanied by a live pianist. There’ll also be a short film competition with a £1000 prize for the winner.
An American Werewolf in London will be shown on their wolf-themed evening, which will also feature a movie-length documentary on the subject, called Beware the Moon. Writer Gavin Baddeley (a priest in the Church of Satan) will present an enjoyable discussion on ‘Werewolf Hunting for Fun and Profit’.

The Pit and the Pendulum (1961)
The Pit and the Pendulum (1961)

Also included are the excellent Australian horror Fragment, crazy Japanese splatter Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl, a brand new high definition digital print of The Pit and the Pendulum (starring Vincent Price), and their very special Mystery Grindhouse!
Tickets should be on sale in approximately one month [keep checking their website at www.abertoir.co.uk]. At that ridiculously low price of £40 for five days in horror heaven, and with limited theatre capacity, I won’t be hanging around, and neither should you!

Mum & Dad (2008)- Horror Film Review

Steven Sheil’s 2008 British horror MUM & DAD – shot in seventeen days, on a micro-budget of only £100,000 – stands up as one of the best British horrors in recent years. Not since THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE have we seen a family this insane.
When young Polish airport worker Lena is stranded at work after missing her bus, she goes home with a friendly co-worker Birdie, who lives close by with her adoptive parents. As soon as Lena sets foot in Birdie’s home, her nightmare begins. She is coshed over the head and injected in the throat, so when she wakes up chained to a bed, she can’t scream for help. A woman tells her ‘I’m Mum; he’s Dad; you live with us now.’ Mum and Dad are no ordinary parents: Dad is a psychopathic serial killer, who gets his kicks from masturbating into the flesh he’s hacked from his victims in a very uncomfortable-to-watch scene. Mum is a seemingly gentile woman, but has a predilection for torturing her ‘children’.
It is made very clear to Lena, that she is now a ‘mummy’s girl’ and as such she should keep mum happy, or suffer dad’s consequences. From here on in, we are on a knife edge as we watch poor Lena endure horrendous acts of torture; we want her to escape, but we know if she gets caught trying she’ll suffer, and we won’t be able to stop ourselves from watching.
Steven Sheil has done a brilliant job of creating this bizarre, macabre, family who appear completely normal to the outside world. That’s the disturbing thing about this film: in many ways they are your average family, and some scenes play out almost like a soap opera. There’s an adoptive son, who is encouraged to walk in his Dad’s rather troubling footsteps, and Birdie is showing signs of wanting to be like Mum. They are a close knit family who in a very, very strange way love each other. The main difference is that, if one of the ‘children’ upsets their parents, the consequences will be a mite worse than going to bed with no supper! The Christmas Day scene displays just how far over the edge this family have gone, but at the same time shows how normal they are – ordinary, yet fantastically insane.
The lack of any musical score only makes the insanity more intense; the only real background noises are the planes flying overhead and the electrical buzzing we hear in times of acute tension. This is real edge-of-the-seat stuff, difficult to watch, but impossible to switch off.
The casting is fantastic. One couldn’t imagine anyone portraying a more convincing, loving and sinister Mum than Dido Miles, and Perry Benson’s Dad is terrifying, but also strangely amusing – which is an almost impossible balance to achieve. Olga Fedori is fantastic as the terrified but headstrong victim, and Birdie is perfectly acted by Ainsley Howard.
An uncomfortable watch, Mum & Dad will keep you on tenterhooks from beginning to end.
Mum & Dad is available on Both Region 1 and Region 2 DVD from Revolver Entertainment. Special features on both discs are identical:

  • Commentary with Director and Producer
  • Interview with Director Steven Sheil
  • Frightfest Q & A session with cast and crew
  • Short film – ‘Through a Vulture Eye’
  • On-set Film London interviews with cast and crew
  • Behind the scenes
  • Theatrical Trailer

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London After Midnight: More U.K. Festival News From Your Harbinger of Doom

I have just had more information about THE MAYHEM HORROR FESTIVAL, which I briefly mentioned here. To recap, this is running from 29th October to 1st November in Nottingham.

Night of the Living Dead: ReAnimated
Night of the Living Dead: ReAnimated

The festival will feature a digital installation of the bizarre and brilliant Night of the Living Dead: ReAnimated, which is a mass collaborative artistic re-envisioning of George A. Romero’s 1968 cult classic, Night of the Living Dead. International artists and animators have been invited to select scenes from the film, and reinvent them through their artwork. The scenes have been created using everything from puppet theatre, to CGI, hand drawn animations, tattoos and more. All of this is organised across the original video’s timeline to create a completely original video track, made solely from art.
On Saturday the 31st at 3pm, the cast and crew of the BBC horror series Being Human will also be there to give us a sneak peek of the 2010 series. As it’s Halloween, there’ll be a huge fancy dress party that night too. The following day, on the 1st November, director Mike Hodges will be their special guest as they show his 1989 film Black Rainbow starring Rosanna Arquette.
The Mayhem Horror Festival also says it will run an experiment in fear, where they will monitor the effect that fear has on the audience. I’ll tell you more about that as I hear it! This is set to be a fantastic weekend of madness and mayhem, which I’m really looking forward to!
Tickets will soon be available from www.broadway.co.uk.  
The GOREZONE MAGAZINE WEEKEND OF HORROR has also just shown up on my radar. Taking place on the weekend of 31st Oct and 1st November, in London’s West End, this is only a two-day event, but it promises to be a good one. Screening fourteen films over two days, including seven premieres, the fest also promises ‘personal appearances, signings, and surprises’. Details of the films on the bill at the prestigious Prince of Wales Theatre are beginning to appear on their website at www.gorezone.co.uk.

Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009) – Horror Film Review

Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)Director Phil Claydon’s comedy-horror film, LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS was released on region 2 DVD this week, with no sign of a region 1 release. Mathew Horne and James Corden, fresh from their roles in GAVIN & STACEY star as luckless losers Jimmy and Fletch. Having read many reviews of this film, most of them not favourable, I was intrigued enough to take a look for myself. I was expecting to be gravely disappointed, but much to my surprise LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS is actually not that bad. The title suggests that there will be horror, sex and laughs, and to some degree we get all three, but not in equal measure.
The B-movie style opening credits were a nice touch and an early sign (if the title Lesbian Vampire Killers hadn’t given the game away already) that this film does not take itself too seriously. We start with a flashback to the middle-ages when Carmilla Queen of the Vampires (she’s also a lesbian of course) is slain by Baron Wolfgang McLaren the third. In her death throws she curses the village of Cragwich, so that henceforth every female villager who turns eighteen will turn into a lesbian vampire.
In the present Jimmy (Horne) and Fletch (Corden) have troubles of their own. Jimmy’s slut of a girlfriend has left him for the sixth time, and Fletch can’t hold down the simplest of jobs; he’s fired from his gig as a clown. Why a clown? Well, clowns look funny don’t they? Chubby, miserable clowns look even better. This film is all about the cheap laughs.
In an effort to cheer themselves up, and after several pints, they agree to go on a hiking trip. When they throw a dart into the map to decide the location of their adventure, fate deals them a cruel blow: Cragwich. Upon arrival in the town, the boys join a group of hot girls in a VW camper van and head for a cottage in the wood, both hoping to score (Fletch is more like desperate to score!).
Of course, the lesbian vampire population are hell bent on turning all the pretty girls into vampires, killing the boys and resurrecting Carmilla . Coincidently, Jimmy is a direct descendant of Baron Wolfgang McLaren the third, and as such is the only one who can defeat the evil Vampire Queen should she return, and even then, only with the help of the mighty sword of Dialdo. The night quickly turns into a fight for survival for the boys, who not only have to save themselves, but all of mankind.
lesbian-vampire-killersAnybody watching Lesbian Vampire Killers for the hot lesbian action will be sorely disappointed, there isn’t any. O.K. there’s the odd kiss and caress, and the occasional bare breast, but generally speaking, the whole lesbian thing is a gimmick to make teenage boys pick up the DVD. The girls are hot, however, and unfortunately spend way too much time looking hot, and not enough time being satanic! Horror fans will also feel cheated, as there’s a distinct the lack of gore. Claydon has opted to use white goo instead of blood for the vampires, so when they are slain, there’s nothing scary to see.
The comedy however, got a bigger slice of the pie. O.K. it’s puerile, but in many instances, it is funny, and in the odd instance, it’s very funny. I laughed…. so shoot me. It’s not classy, it’s not clever, but something about the way Corden delivers it had me smiling most of the way through Lesbian Vampire Killers. In fact Corden carries this movie and Horne is pretty boring considering he’s meant to be the hero of the hour. His character was bland, but in fairness Corden did get the lion’s share of the good lines. Everyone else was obviously cast for their good looks, and in that sense they were perfect, but they had little to say for themselves.
The set was tiny. It felt as if the characters were running through the same bit of woodland over and over again, and I’m guessing that’s because they were running through the same bit of woodland over and over again. It reminded me of Scooby Doo! Obviously Lesbian Vampire Killers is a low budget movie, but Claydon worked well with what he had and the finished product is actually pretty good. The surround sound is used effectively; what bit of woodland they had was suitably creepy; the cottage in the wood made a pretty convincing set, and I loved the American Werewolf in London moment when the boys first entered the village pub and there was that sudden eerie quietness with all the local yokels just staring.
If you want sex and violence, choose something else, but if you want to see a fat bloke running round the woods making wise cracks while trying to save his own skin, then Lesbian Vampire Killers is the film for you. Yes, it’s pure nonsense, but it’s a good bit of fun.

Region 2 DVD Special Features

  • Making of featurette
  • Audio Commentary with Director Phil Claydon
  • Webisodes
  • Fletch-Meister (Fletch’s Words of Wisdom)
  • Whores of F**king Hades (Swear Reel)
  • VV Brown Crying Blood Music Video
  • Trailers

LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS (2009). Directed by Phil Claydon. Written by Paul Hupfield, Stewart Williams. Cast: Mathew Horne, James Corden, Lucy Gaskel, Emma Clifford. Travis Oliver, Silvia Colloca